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Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Last Goodbye 10:54 PM

Guess I am not updating much like I use to . When things are not like what they use to be, you move on.

SO I decided to permanently stop blogging . Here in Blogger.com. Not because I hate it or spent to much time on Tumblr but rather because I'm lazy to update. Guess I couldn't even write as much as good .

Few days back I was yelled by my dad and that is not something I wish to share here. But soon after that incident I find myself lost in thoughts and spacing out thinking how life would be better off without me . and all i can think off was to die . to me, depression is a state where you are not only feel totally damaged and despair. Its a state where you starting to feel life isn't worth it. I know what you guys are thinking. "How could getting yelled at could be so destructive" or "geez, she's a cry baby. get over your emo self" and what not. But haven't you heard of like "words can kill" or something? Like verbal bullying or abuse ? And seriously keeping something inside of you for a lifetime is seriously fucked up . its like you are trying to fill the whole house in one tiny bag. Get what I mean ? Everything just burst out when you can't hold it.

and yes. I am terrible at explaining stuff in a way it should be.

Well. Guess that's it. I will put this one blog down . I need time to recollect and putting myself together after this whole depression thing kinda landed on me. Which explains my disappearing act for more than a week on internet.

Tumblr link if you miss me >>> HERE

So long Blogger . So long readers . Nice for you to drop by . :)


semester break sucks! 10:15 PM

Hey guys. I think I am gonna stop blogging in Blogger for good . I rarely update here and more to Tumblr-ing but not really as a blog just looking around for words of wisdom or maybe finding a piece of art that calls out to me.. But nevertheless I would not simply delete this blog . I'll just let it be ..

So , new year is coming soon . 2011. ahh . I never really looked forward to any of celebrations because I'll be alone most of the time. Physically . But Electronically , I do text or call my friends to wish them . Its pathetic really. . you guys understands right? *sigh*

Now I'm gonna conclude my 2010 which only involve me and my one month holiday.

First week :
I go in and out of hospital helping my mum take care of my dad . Though I was only sitting and accompany my dad while my mum went home and freshen up. I did mentioned that my dad was diagnosed with pneumonia right after he finished all his Haji .. right? well , nothing much that first week . except for the fact that I kept doozing off every few minutes due to extreme tiredness. I went to this lady , who happens to be a good massager told me I have a weak heart and get tired easily. Amazingly all her description on my condition was surprisingly accurate.. But I guess I'll let that one info sleep in my mind.

Second week:
after some tiring week of going in and out of hospital . I took on another career path . TOUR GUIDE. This kind of family friend//relative came to visit my dad because all of them are worried about his current condition at that time. Only one person came. Representative i guess?
Hurm . So I took him all the way from Lok Kawi to Likas. He's driving the huge Dmax because dad wont let me drive. So . . . yeah . All I did was showing him another side of KK rather than the malls. Because I kept bringing him to places where he can take good pictures of the city . I should upload the pictures but I guess Im lazy to wait the uploading to finish.

third week:
After the so called relative left Sabah , all I did was ... TOTALLY BORED IN THE HOUSE.
I was stuck in a rut , Wake up. bath. wash clothes. watch tv. clean up the house. and repeat.

Fourth week
technically I am still in my last week of holiday . Christmas has passed and I didn't do anything. I got yelled by my dad which made me decide not to bother anything about him ever again . But then I reconsider, He might die anytime when I am far away from home. So I kept up the goody good two shoes act but I cant help it. I cant fake a smile to someone as him . I am sorry GOD . But I guess my heart is slowly turning into a stone .. That yelling cause me to fall back into depression. so I was kind of full with thoughts over these few days. I couldn't taste my food properly, I can't sleep without totally tiring myself. Totally in despair as if life just not worth the ride anymore. . . See, that's real depression. *cries*

Ok . enough of sappiness.

I still have few more days to bare here. Need new passport picture, buy stuff for the new coming semester. Meet girlfriends before leaving. Hopefully.

the next post would be my last. .
Adieu ~

Sunday, December 05, 2010
The last month of 2010 11:38 PM

Hey ho people!!

I am back in Sabah. Land Below the Wind. yeay .

I just finished my exams about two days ago . Not total satisfied but alhamdulliah, I think I manage to answer all papers with a good feeling - I am not gonna fail anything this time!!

Did I just taste blood??? *runs to the bathroom to take a look*

Yeah . It did. Oh well. So much for randomness.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Things that happened.

1. I finished exam
2. I went out yesterday with my friend ACA my ex. it was fun . and full of stupidity if I may say so .
3. I came back to Sabah after a long 3 months.
4. Upon arrival, my uncle picked me up to take me to the hospital. HQE.
5. Seems like my dad has been admitted under CFC with Underlaying pneumonia..
6. had to reaarrange few stuff in house due to my mother's absence here.
7. Cousins and uncle is staying with me to help with the chores and taking care of my dad.
8. I didn't get to seat next to me beau just now on the flight. I love you still though :)
9. I have nothing much to say now.
10. So I am off to bed. :)

Gudnight everyone!!