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Sunday, June 20, 2010
Father's day. 11:17 AM

Nothing is worth doing today . Basically today I am being emo,morbid and demented. Reasons?

Father's Day . I can't find a single thing I can be thankful to him. Everything just went dead after Form3. Yeah . I don't really have a relationship with my own dad.

I laughed at his lame jokes , I shake hands with him, I try so hard with every muscle in my body not to shout and scream at him just to be label as "The goodie good two shoes girl"

Get your facts right . I take it to the heart what you said back then and its something you can't just take it back . My life would be a much happier place if you had never told me that. For the important things which you didn't tell me, go to hell with it . I knew it exactly in the age of 5. Everyone else laid out all the truths to me, why can't you? Sometimes I just don't get it. All the promises you gave was nothing more than words spoken to the wind. That's why I have given up on believing anything you said you would do . Maybe I am selfish this way and GOD knows I am very sinful for this. I prayed for my heart to be open up to accept all the things I just said but I couldn't. I still have 88.9% of hatred to this man who brought me up through all my 18years+ of life.. Love was never there. You were only figure which I am scared to be with. Sorry for the harsh words that I throw at you in this blog. But nevertheless, I am scared at you rather than love you. That's how you have made me seen love at the first time. And I thank you my friends for making me realizes that was not how love suppose to be. You gave me things that you never had the chances to get. But have you ever realizes just how much of those things you wanted wasn't even on my list. You are using me to achieve what you can't long ago. I am me, not you. Never EVER compare me to anyone because I am me, and I have my own ways. That's why I am trying my best not to stereotype anyone at most times. I don't want to be a hypocrite. May I say it? You raised me to be the good daughter every parents would want, but you failed to raise my heart as good as you molded my ethics and behavior .

To my dad, Happy Father's Day .